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The
Pink Room: Thoughts About Intentional Living
Chapter
14/ Beauty from Ashes and Singleness.
Part
2 (Previous post contain the previous chapters.)
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Right before my college boyfriend
and I broke up there was one more dance. We decided to go together. I knew in
my heart that was the last big thing we’d do as a couple. I wanted it to be
memorable and searched my brain for ideas and things I’d heard that could be
fun, surprising or touching.
And then I remembered he loved white
dresses. The search was on. I searched for a white dress at every store I could
think of and couldn’t find one anywhere. I needed to draw the line at wedding
dress however so I did not go anywhere near there. I was thinking simple so I
went and purchased a pattern and made a dress.
My dorm building had a dramatic
staircase with a door at the top. All the girls got ready upstairs and would
come down stairs with the guys waiting in the lobby. Nearly ten of us descended
that night; I was one of the last. I think I may have given the poor guy a
heart attack—he didn’t know about the dress, and when I told him I made it, it
added a whole new level.
I tried to make the most beautiful
experience out of something that was becoming quite painful.
I learned that very thing about
artwork as well. People do not like the pieces that are perfect. They are
boring. They are hard to appreciate. The pieces that have something wrong, off,
or ugly within the beauty are the ones that get rave reviews. The contrast
makes the beautiful part more beautiful.
I believe it is the same with the
stories of underdogs or the redeemed. There is an imperfect part that is right up
against what is beautiful and that makes the beautiful part so much more
stunning.
Friendships are something I long to
understand and do better with. I love others deeply but struggle to build deep
friendships that I know are solid—people are unpredictable and don’t tell you
what they want or need. I often feel like I am the only unchanging one. People
fly in and out of life at warp speeds making decisions and life changes,
moving, having children and get disillusioned with faith. And then they begin
again, repeat the cycle.
Friendship is complicated during all
these changes…I'd like to trust it more but it is based in human nature and I
am not sure what to do about that, other than know it won't meet my hopes or
expectations, that is. I wish Jesus made us better people, and didn't allow the
darker stuff to creep in like doubt, pain, selfishness...
I've always hoped friendship would show
up and turn into a husband and long-term companion, but it hasn’t. It is a
struggle to believe that it can exist in a committed relationship for a long
time, although I have seen it with my parents, so maybe… Do I dare hope?
Friendship isn’t what I expected, as
with most of life. I wish it were a bit easier to maintain and a bit less
changing. People are dynamic and change so easily. How do we find balance?
It is too easy to take life and time
for granted. Friendship has blessed me in some ways by knowing some for more
than a quarter century, and family for my lifetime--and some great journeys,
and some heartbreak...friendship is always a surprise.
Here is what I expect from friendship
in the coming years. More. More from me and more of it.
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There is a verse in the Bible that
has remained close to my heart. It is Isaiah 61:3 where it talks of a crown of
beauty instead of ashes. It is not easy to swallow anger, pain and grief to but
it is best and makes for the best memories. I’ve learned that in spite of how I
feel about something that is happening I am able to do good, stand for what is
right, or be encouraging or loving.
