Birth and Death and a journey to happiness

 

I had a very emotion-filled week last week. I began the week saying goodbye to a 15 year old who ended her life. It is easily the most grief I've seen. People not understanding and the haunting words her mom spoke to me: I have no more tears, I'm just empty; and with those words my heart sunk to the lowest place it's ever been and I felt nauseated. This young girl's death struck hard and in the midst of a group of people who try to communicate value and hope to youth as their work. One of the men I used to work with said to me, "It is not just at our door, it is in our house" referring to the work they do with youth and suicide prevention messages. I was having a hard time lifting out of the fog and confusion of wondering how such a loving family could see such a crisis--how one decision lead to trauma for 5 family members, a school, a youth group, a drama program, a church and an entire staff of volunteers from a non-profit...a couple thousand people. One decisions! And that was Monday. 

Tuesday was a fog. Mulling over and over what desperation some people feel and what I could possibly do about it--I was just so insanely sad and wanted to attack any work to eliminate hopelessness in the world. I spent the night at Starbucks filling in an outline of curriculum I decided to write. I'll continue to work on it over the next months. In the short term, I just want to invest in young people and mentor my niece and nephew and pour into a couple of other younger people I know...but I want it all NOW and sometimes God moves slowly.

Wednesday morning I walked into the studio and randomly decided to check Facebook on my phone, my sister, pregnant with twins, had a cryptic message about the size of a delivery room. A huge shot of adrenaline later and a few quick calls and texts left me with waiting for the new additions to the family--a few hours later I bolted for the door and drove back to meet the little guys. Two perfect little boys lifted some fog and bound up a few lose ends in my heart from the previous days. Everything seems okay when you are holding a healthy baby. God intervened in an obvious answer to prayer during their delivery which made this see even more beautiful and amazing. And these perfectly innocent someday-men have a clean slate and hope rests lightly on them with all kinds of stories to be written and fun to be had and we smile.

We didn't talk about the traumas the twins might encounter, or the sadness they might experience that day. We didn't even talk about our struggles that day. We were all caught up in the mystery and beauty of these little guys that day. 

I believe that God spares nothing in the metaphors drawn out by life and the Bible. Often you can dive deep inside a word picture and learn from every view point and each level of thought. When I look at these infants and the loving family around them, I forget about everything else. I think God is like that with us. I think he couldn't stand the thought of not seeing us as perfect, so that is why Jesus--but that point is for another time, right now, the point I want to make is this: I believe God is so enamored with us that He can't really think about anything else. The problem is that His view is so much more complete and perfect that we don't always feel that is true. 

If you struggle today--tell God, He's big enough to take it, yell and cry if you must. We wouldn't want an infant to hold in a cry just so we were not bothered by their pain or hunger--we'd want to know. Etc.

Mostly through this I'm seeing that happiness is a choice every day--I used to think that meant that I had to just suck it up and "play" happy as though I was a character in my own life. I now know that happiness comes with being around people who make you happy and doing the things that  make you happy and it isn't selfish, it is a form of worshiping God. Similarly, I make an idiot of myself just to make my oldest nephew laugh especially if he feels pain or seems sad--God provides outlets for us, He knows this is going to get a little difficult, He was here after all.

So, my exhortation and encouragement to you:

Be present with those you love and spend time pursuing something that makes you feel happy everyday. This can be as little as getting a super-ball out of a quarter machine (I just love those) or as complex as filling your friend's yard with plastic flamingos (I plead innocent). Actually going and taking photos you always wanted to take. Calling that someone who you always laugh with. Mostly giving yourself and others the benefit of the doubt (I'm working on this one).

Because I don't want you to feel hopeless. Life can be hard and discouraging but it is nothing is worth despairing over--despair is overrated and implies that there is no master plan. I believe there is a master plan and the Master planning it is fairly brilliant. Sometimes that is difficult, holding all those thoughts at the same time, so here is my summary: 

sad/frustrated = okay/tell God, 

peruse happiness = best idea, another form of worship

master plan = no point in despair, pain in this life has a purpose somehow down the road.

 

ARTspace at Lifest

 There is an event I am apart of nearly every year, since 2000. It is called Lifest (Life-fest). Bob Lenz' organization, Life Promotions, presents it and calls it a party with a purpose.

Bob is a great guy. His mission in life is to help youth see and hear that they are valuable and can choose to live life to the fullest. This is a fairly sizable off-shoot of that and it includes all ages.

Oshkosh, WI is taken over for five days by thousands, up to 80,000 a day some years, of people and I get to be a small part of that.

A few years ago Eric Leverance and I began ARTspace at the event. Eric is a Pastor in Oshkosh and his church used to be extremely artsy.

We decided we'd take the corner of a barn and 5-10 tables and start some little art thing there. It exploded.We planned for something like 300 people painting over the 5 days. We had more like 700-800. And we had to keep asking for more tables and chairs. People just sat and sat and didn't want to leave.

So we said we'd get 800 canvases to "plan ahead" the following year and needed more like 1000-1200. And the same thing happened. People didn't want to leave and we had to keep asking for more tables and chairs.

Last year was the third year. We thought we had a handle on it. We did not. This thing has gotten out of control, in a good way. It was like watching rest, therapy, calm and peace wash over families and individuals. Last year we planned for 30 tables, seating eight, and had to ask for more again. We began with 1200 canvases and had to run and get more again. We began with about 150 lbs of clay for sculptures and had to run and get more again...for the third year it grew, and it could of been even a bit  larger but we were exhausted and just closed early for the first time.

This will be the forth year. We anticipate nearly 2000 paintings over the 4 days it's open. We anticipate nearly 500 small sculptures. We also anticipate running out of tables and chairs, not having enough paint brushes and all kinds of other fun messes that come with this colorful experiment. We also anticipate another community mural being started by random passers-by who want to paint a little (it is like painting on the walls) ... we might even do an art show.

The interesting things--normally we are only left with a few paintings because almost all are taken home, some people stick around and help clean up--which is amazing and people who were part of it in previous years act like tour guides sometimes. The new people: I think it is funny that often someone will see my name badge and circle their arms around pointing at all the different stuff and sorta yell at me "what is this place?!" Then the four or five others who were wandering around wondering the same thing slowly walk up behind them and listen in. And I will do my spiel, "paint, sculpt or draw ..."

It is a simple yet palpable exercise in being a co-creator in this world. It is a cool celebration of our natural instinct to do just that. If you have not been a part of it, please come. My team always needs more people!

Table scraps

Lately there is a lot being said about humility, it seems. I've heard a couple messages, a couple podcasts and people all mention it--for some reason it is in the air.

I think I'm starting to realize what it looks like. It has always been a difficult idea for me to wrap my mind around. Sure: don't put yourself first or think too highly of yourself, maybe even let others go first, or whatever; it just seems like it is more than that.

There is a story in the Bible about a woman reaching out and touching Jesus' hem in a crowd. He asks who did it and later in the dialogue she says what amounted to: all I want from you is what you'd feed to the animals. Not your seconds, not your left overs, not what you would give away because you didn't care for it--she was asking for his trash.

It is an eye-opening realization that someone's trash is much better than I truly deserve. In the book of John, Jesus says that we will only truly accomplish anything of note if it is by His power in and through us.

When I combine all of that--the humility, the work through Him, the trash, it comes out something like this: Lord, please help me, it is only by your power my life actually matters. In the long run, it is only by your grace I can live for you at all. Please lead me in all I do, let it be for you, because I want to love you back. I will try not to mess up too badly. I know people are watching and I would like to do okay by them. I know they all, no matter what their attitude or disposition or position, matter to you and you are in them (if they know it or not) and I want to treat you right. I am no better than anyone else--and because I am aware of this I actually should serve more and better. The truth is I don't have the strength to do all of that, or to remember all of that, so I'm going to need you now more than ever. Amen.

Beautiful effortless Portland

I took some image during my trip at the Farmer's Market and The Grotto. Maybe because WI is so dreary for so long but the vibrant colors and the natural effortless beauty was amazing. My favorites: