Things I wonder about

The human's ability to appreciate beauty seems so unnecessary, and yet it is here. There is something to be said for an extravagant creator--it makes you scratch your head a little, too.

The idea of a creator that is willing and able to spill the paint, and go the extra yardage to bring something to an aesthetic place of interest and rest and fullness all at the same time.

This amazing God we have also knows his color theory, by the way. There is a constant resonance and balance through all of nature and in scientific discoveries where phenomenon are photographed.

It is somehow playful, thoughtful, serious, happy and sad all at once; never for lack of emotion, unless ignored completely, even man made places have little plants and grass peeking though the crevasses or littered with nature through the seasons.

In many wonderful ways our God is extravagant and generous and wants us to experience beauty.

if not now. when?

There was a day, not too long ago, when I, for the first time in my life, understood what most people feel daily. This loose sort of chaos, this edge of total loss of control ... a unbalanced teetering tight rope walk through the madness of life.

It may sound strange, but for as long as I can remember I have been close to God. Don't get me wrong, there is an ebb and flow to it--a coming and going of the Spirit that is more like a well arranged symphony of pieces than it is something that starts and stops all together. But through that God has always been there.

I just got busy. There was art stuff, and job stuff, and subbing stuff, and boy stuff, and business stuff, and a dying computer, and moving and trying to maintain friendships. It was a few days without taking time to pause and reflect and allow God into my life, then missed church for a few weeks, then I traveled and then I tried to be a good friend to people I did not know well ... all good intentions or necessary evils.

I looked at a girl I know who drinks a little too much and has a life very different from my own and I had a drink in my hand--I had been distant enough from God for long enough, in my own spirit, I could feel how easy it would be to just slip away from what I had known in life and how to live, if only for a moment ... or if to slip easily out of one lifestyle and into another. (To understand, you need to know I've never been drunk and many people would like to see me get drunk, I am not sure why). It was a scary feeling because it felt so easy. It wasn't threatening, it wasn't guilt ridden or any other negative emotion. It was an emotional state that felt like the times I'd heard all those phrases like "just this once", "it's no big deal", "it won't hurt anyone", "it'll be fun".  A gentle slide, a small compromise or a turning of your head for a moment.

I have many reasons why I don't drink much. Which I won't go into here. I could easily over-indulge. I could easily join a different life style. But I like hearing God clearly. I like the firm foundation I feel under my feet. I like the peace I get by just asking for it, I like the surprises He throws into life. I like who He has made me into.

We all have a choice to make. Unfortunately, so much of what our culture values clouds our ability to really fully truly communicate with God--we can't have life both ways; we can't give into the temptations and desires we have and live in peace and harmony with God. If you are going to follow Him your heart will find peace; If not now, then when?

30 things to make life better

I was listening to the radio months ago when a popular country singer said he makes a list and it is 30 things that will make life better, why 30? I can't remember. But I did want to try to do this.

One. Do things for others.
Two. Be selfless in giving.
Three. Be quiet.
Four. Listen to people.
Five. Don't try to win.
Six. Don't try to dominate.
Seven. Encourage people.
Eight. Really hug people.
Nine. Ask God for peace.
Ten. Do the things you think of.
Eleven. Don't be afraid to follow after a dream.
Twelve. Travel.
Thirteen. Work is work. Crisis there isn't really.
Fourteen. Believe God will show up.
Fifteen. Ask questions.
Sixteen. Tell the truth.
Seventeen. Take vitamins.
Eighteen. Pause when you see beautiful things.
Nineteen. Play with children.
Twenty. Organize.
Twenty One. Appreciate what you have today.
Twenty Two. Embrace a hobby.
Twenty Three. Learn something new.
Twenty Four. Lay in the sun.
Twenty Five. Look through old pictures.
Twenty Six. Set a goal for the near future. Set a goal for the distant future.
Twenty Seven. Join a small group.
Twenty Eight. Create.
Twenty Nine. Be generous with yourself emotionally.
Thirty. Go to church

...he bids you, come and die."

The first statement in The Cost of Discipleship is a quotation that says Jesus wants us to come to him and die. It is a little surprising at first. First sentence!

I didn't always understand this idea. I thought of it as a right of passage or something to that effect. You have to acknowledge that Jesus died and you then also mentally sort of put yourself in his position, as if we can really understand, and then submit your life, etc. etc. etc.

As I get older and more into this faith thing ... it isn't at all like role playing, and it definitely isn't empty words ... and it surely isn't motions. It is more like a day when you realize that what you just did, how you just dealt with someone, how you didn't choose what you used to choose--and on that day, within a split second you also realize that in that split second there was way more Jesus in that action or thought than there was of you. And on that day, you are dumb-founded ... you sit back in your chair or stop in your tracks and really believe the Holy Spirit is at work in you.