It may sound strange, but for as long as I can remember I have been close to God. Don't get me wrong, there is an ebb and flow to it--a coming and going of the Spirit that is more like a well arranged symphony of pieces than it is something that starts and stops all together. But through that God has always been there.
I just got busy. There was art stuff, and job stuff, and subbing stuff, and boy stuff, and business stuff, and a dying computer, and moving and trying to maintain friendships. It was a few days without taking time to pause and reflect and allow God into my life, then missed church for a few weeks, then I traveled and then I tried to be a good friend to people I did not know well ... all good intentions or necessary evils.
I looked at a girl I know who drinks a little too much and has a life very different from my own and I had a drink in my hand--I had been distant enough from God for long enough, in my own spirit, I could feel how easy it would be to just slip away from what I had known in life and how to live, if only for a moment ... or if to slip easily out of one lifestyle and into another. (To understand, you need to know I've never been drunk and many people would like to see me get drunk, I am not sure why). It was a scary feeling because it felt so easy. It wasn't threatening, it wasn't guilt ridden or any other negative emotion. It was an emotional state that felt like the times I'd heard all those phrases like "just this once", "it's no big deal", "it won't hurt anyone", "it'll be fun". A gentle slide, a small compromise or a turning of your head for a moment.
I have many reasons why I don't drink much. Which I won't go into here. I could easily over-indulge. I could easily join a different life style. But I like hearing God clearly. I like the firm foundation I feel under my feet. I like the peace I get by just asking for it, I like the surprises He throws into life. I like who He has made me into.
We all have a choice to make. Unfortunately, so much of what our culture values clouds our ability to really fully truly communicate with God--we can't have life both ways; we can't give into the temptations and desires we have and live in peace and harmony with God. If you are going to follow Him your heart will find peace; If not now, then when?
