I'm a bit bummed. Most of my topics have been a little on the dark side of life and not funny and quirky as I'd originally thought. Over the last week or so there have been a lot of "irritating" developments with friends of friends and extended family. It just makes me very thankful for the Christ-centeredness that keeps my close friends and family on track.
I guess it is easiest, as always or at least most of the time, to start at the beginning. Young people should not be forced to make choices affecting the whole of their lives when they are 13, 14, 15 etc. It isn't fair and it isn't right. Yes, some know things like what they will do, their passions, their interests but the vast majority are being railroaded into definitions. These definitions are everything from sexual orientation to career paths ... kids should not be expected to pigeon hole themselves into these things. I wish we could focus more on work ethic than on career choice, more on appreciating people instead of knowing your sexual orientation; we need to stop making kids feel afraid they are going to miss out on something if they don't assign themselves to these things. Let's be honest, didn't we all emulate the next oldest kid we thought was great? Now young people are rushing to be adults ... it isn't good. So, that isn't the clearest but it is close so I will just leave it at that.
Then there was this "thing" that just shook my sense of right in the world. I went from unending compassion to irate over the course of a couple days. Someone I thought was in need ended up being a con-artist. To make it worse, I was asking for help on behalf of this person. I feel manipulated and I'm angry about it. It brought back memories of the distrust that came about when a roommate lied to me about the bulk of her life, the way she handled rent and many many other things ... How do you recover any sense of trust in the world? How do you move forward knowing that your desire to see need met with compassion might be utterly twisted? It isn't fair. I've come to the conclusion that the areas where you are most tested, hurt and violated are loosely, sometimes directly, related to your calling in life. The devil just wants you to feel hopeless, useless and unwilling to share that part of yourself. I think that is crap.
And lastly, I'm having a hard time praying lately. It just doesn't seem to be doing anything and I am a bit tired of the strange life situation I am in. There are so many things that are uncomfortable and rather stuck, for lack of a better term. I will choose to pray. I will choose to continue with the hope that it actually does some good somehow. Momentous challenges are faced daily all over the world so I cannot be that special here. I am learning that the "doing" part of faith isn't always what we are meant to be doing. Sometimes the doing is not to do, not to persist, not to exhaust yourself, not to move forward ... that is really hard for me. I'm learning that sometimes the Lord wants us to "be". He wants us to be content, be with Him, be still, be present, be.
I haven't had a great time the last couple weeks. There have been situations of hope-deferred, a lot of new things to wait on, the persistence of irritating things that I can do nothing about and disappointments. So I will be, I will pray and I will wait. Amen.
